Hymn 634 from STF      By John Samuel Bewley Monsell (1811-1875)

1          Fight the good fight with all thy might!
Christ is thy strength, and Christ thy right;
Lay hold on life, and it shall be
Thy joy and crown eternally.

2          Run the straight race through God’s good grace,
Lift up thine eyes, and seek His face;
Life with its way before us lies,
Christ is the path, and Christ the prize.

3          Cast care aside, lean on thy Guide;
His boundless mercy will provide;
Trust, and thy trusting soul shall prove
Christ is its life, and Christ its love.

4          Faint not nor fear, His arms are near,
He changeth not, and thou art dear;
Only believe, and thou shalt see
That Christ is all in all to thee.

Growing up I have come to realise that life is full of vicissitude. I have experienced loss, failure, real hardship, anger and have subsequently become acquainted with lament in my suffering. In a state of shock and bewilderment, I have looked up to God for support and answers. Lament has been defined by Brown and Miller like this:

 “Lament expresses bewilderment and shock. Something has gone wrong for which we cannot account. Lament is caused by … disorientating events or circumstances that make nonsense of the world we strive so hard to render sensible.”

Sally Brown and Patrick Miller, Lament: Reclaiming practices in pulpit, pew and public square (Louisville, Westminster John Knox Press, 2005), p. 95)

There’s a traditional hymn written by Rev.John Samuel Bewley Monsell (1811-1875) called: Fight the good fight (634 from STF) that really warms the cockles of my heart. This hymn is based on a letter written by the Apostle Paul while in prison, facing execution (2 Timothy 4:6-8) and a similar letter to Timothy, where Paul urges him to keep fighting on (1 Timothy 6: 12). It recognises our state of loneliness, fragile state and anger in the midst of our adversities, but focuses on Paul’s declaration and urges us to “Fight the good fight with every strength left in us,” “lay hold on life,” “run the straight race,” “cast care aside”, “faint not nor fear and trust that His mercy will provide.”

As I reflect on my own experience, I think about a year ago, I was out of a job for years. I had graduated with a Bachelors and a Masters degree. I was all dressed up but with nowhere to go in a hurry – expensively educated and saddled with debt, but unable to work because of the injustice of the system. Furthermore, I was experiencing constant migraines, visual problems, experiencing sleepless nights. I felt desperate, lonely, rejected, helpless and deeply depressed. I felt like my dreams and ambitions were falling right beneath my feet. And so for a while, I suffered silently not knowing what to do. But when I realised that my silence was fruitless. I decided to keep serving, make a stand against the corruption of this world, answer my calling to proclaim the gospel of grace to the lost and continue seeking the face of the Lord in my lament to God in prayer in private.

The key phrase from the hymn highlighted above helps me to persevere even when at times everything seems hopeless when I feel deserted and life seems mundane and burdensome as opposed to just constantly worrying and distancing myself from everyone to avoid being seen as weak and wobbly. By seeking God’s face, I recognise that He’s the only solution, the only way out of my struggles. This hymn reminds me to put my complete trust in God. Particularly the line about ‘running the straight race’ in verse 2 has really helped me to comprehend what it truly means for me to fix my eyes on the cross through determination and energy of soul that can only be generated from the kingdom of God that’s within me, by truly seeking Him with all my heart, through commitment to the love of Christ.

In my suffering, I kept on fighting, kept my faith because somehow I knew Jesus was always around, His unwavering arm was near, by my side even though I was also lamenting to Him like Job in his suffering. Even when I was angry with Him or questioned my purpose (calling) in life because I felt forsaken by Him, I knew deep down he never left me, will never leave me and His mercy will provide even though along the way I’ll make some mistakes. All that He asks of me is to continue believing and prove it through my actions that Christ is all in all to me.

There have been times when I’ve been experiencing excruciating pain during preparation for some of my services. There have been times when I’ve been faced with the temptation to give up. There have been times when I’ve faced the temptation of just relying on my doctor.  There have been times when I’ve been tempted to take a shortcut, but this hymn has reminded me that Christ is the only path worth taking; the only answer to my anger and frustrations. It has comforted with the hope of being crowned with the eternal joy at the end of the struggle/journey. I’ve grown to learn to humble myself before Him in the quietness of the night in my room.

In my reflection, I am reminded of the story of Job. In the midst of Job’s suffering, he trusted in the Lord and kept on fighting even when he was experiencing excruciating pain (afflicted by Satan) to the extent that his wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” He did not give in to the temptation of sin rather he responded by lamenting to God, cursing the day he was born and wishing he could be returned to his mother’s womb.

In hindsight, my lament was an expression of confusion, shock, desperation and helplessness caused by the injustice of the system or the general order of things. I knew something had gone wrong spiritually but I could not entirely account for it or reason a way forward, spiritually and practically. Yet, my trust in God through prayer was still present albeit in my own small way and it brought me closer to God.

By being angry, expressing it with integrity, and demanding an answer and solution to my problems, in a funny way I was recognising that God still held the solution and is around listening, interested in my life, active and still remains the Lord in my situation– strong and compassionate enough to hold my lament.

On the other hand, when I tried to take a different path and conceal my anger it made me angrier deep down and questioned my faith more. I became disconnected from my fellow Christians and church because I felt like the whole world including the church was against me. But when I found my voice to express it in my prayers and in conversation with fellow Christians who I felt I could trust I felt like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. That is not to mean that all my problems have disappeared, but just knowing that there was/is a purpose to all of this and not being alone softened the pain.

In my suffering, I have realised that, spiritually, the more you persevere the more evident the presence of the Holy Spirit becomes. Although I do not know everything about the mysteries of the Holy Spirit because it surpasses my logic, what I do now know is that my trials are a test, maturing and refining my character whilst deepening the love (Holy Spirit) that lies in me as a Christian in my dealing with others who are suffering. Even when I feel ready to give up hope, His love through the power of the Holy Spirit finds a way to comfort me, refine me as a Christian, strengthen me progressively and reminds me of the call to live in His suffering.

In my reflection, I have attempted to explore different perspectives on suffering and lament in theology by mainly using the hymn fight the good fight, scripture and applied my own personal experience. When we fail to discuss such issues with integrity we risk making it difficult for non-believers with thought-provoking, but legitimate questions to draw closer to Christ. One would encourage us to view lament as an expression of bewilderment, shock, a desire to see justice done and to draw closer to God. In other words, something has gone wrong that’s beyond our human rationale and we desire the help of the Holy Spirit to make sense and journey through the situation. All be it, all experience of discourse are subject for discussion with God.

In my suffering, I have realised that, spiritually, the more you persevere the more evident the presence of the Holy Spirit becomes and this shows how I am able to face tomorrow. That is not to suggest that all your problems will disappear overnight, you just have to hold on to the belief that there is a purpose to the suffering and you’re not alone even when it seems like everyone including your own family have forsaken you. My own experience has also taught me that trials are a test to refine our character whilst deepening the love (Holy Spirit) that lies in us as a Christian in our dealing with others who are suffering. Job’s story goes to show that God’s presence does not always change the reality to suit our need – the loss of family, friends, and bone cancer, injustice – nor does it explain the suffering. Rather in the midst of our adversities, through the wisdom of Revd John Samuel Bewley Monsell hymn Fight the good fight, we’re urged to ‘fight the good fight with every strength left in us’, ‘lay hold on life,’ ‘run the straight race,’ ‘cast care aside’, ‘faint nor fear and trust that His mercy will provide’ when we least expect it.